So as many of you know I've been going through a little bit of a transition time spiritually. I'm not really even sure how to explain it. I have been a Christian for a very long time now - my dad is a pastor so I've been in church since shortly after birth. My walk with the Lord really started to flourish 2 years ago. God really took a hold of my life and I began to see him move and speak to me in ways I never have before. Through the progression of the past year or so I've taken on more responsibilities in church and with the Life Group I run at Shores. A slow progression of fatigue started to set in though. I felt like there was always some unattainable goal I was striving for and that people I was surrounded by in church were expecting me to fit into a certain mold of what a Christian should look like and be. This bothered me for a while but I was still getting so much good out of attending there that I just pushed the negative thoughts aside. Finally I got tired of it. I don't think that we can put God in a box and I think that God speaks differently to each person. I also feel that each person lives their faith out differently than the next - there are many different things about people's lives that make it this way. I am a little internally rebellious and I don't like being told how to live my life or not being given the freedom to be the individual I was created to be. There's a lot more to this but I'm not going to get into it now.
After much dissatisfaction, I've taken a step back from my church and sadly, God as well. I got so burnt out that I just walked away from things for a while. It's been over a month since I've even opened my Bible or taken time to just talk to God. I'm finally starting to realize that I need to get over my personal issues with the church and whoever else. It's ok to be dissatisfied with a church, to question things, to think outside of the box - but I don't need to let this process get in the way of MY personal relationship with God. I've learned a lot, grown a lot, and God has increased me so much in the past few years as a person. I don't want to be stupid and lose ground just because I'm having a rebellious moment - I know better than this.
So today, I'm asking God to soften my heart again. I've started to get cold and hardened towards God and he has done nothing but amazing things in my life. As I was driving to work I said to myself, "Amy, you need to get over it." I feel like I'm sheepishly coming back to God and saying - Sorry! I'm back now! This thought makes me smile b/c I know I serve a God of love and grace and all he is thinking is - Amy, it's good to have you back.
After much dissatisfaction, I've taken a step back from my church and sadly, God as well. I got so burnt out that I just walked away from things for a while. It's been over a month since I've even opened my Bible or taken time to just talk to God. I'm finally starting to realize that I need to get over my personal issues with the church and whoever else. It's ok to be dissatisfied with a church, to question things, to think outside of the box - but I don't need to let this process get in the way of MY personal relationship with God. I've learned a lot, grown a lot, and God has increased me so much in the past few years as a person. I don't want to be stupid and lose ground just because I'm having a rebellious moment - I know better than this.
So today, I'm asking God to soften my heart again. I've started to get cold and hardened towards God and he has done nothing but amazing things in my life. As I was driving to work I said to myself, "Amy, you need to get over it." I feel like I'm sheepishly coming back to God and saying - Sorry! I'm back now! This thought makes me smile b/c I know I serve a God of love and grace and all he is thinking is - Amy, it's good to have you back.
I love this.
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