"I get carried away."
If you want to pick up an amazing album, get Absence by Paper Route. It's incredible - it's the soundtrack to my life right now. The two songs posted are the two that I have been playing on repeat. I feel like I connect to every song on the album in some way. I love the part in the song Gutter that says, "I get carried away." It describes my life and who I am in a certain sense.
"Don't you break my heart."
I don't very often talk about love. This is probably due to my loss of love in the past. I know that if I'm truly honest about love, I have to admit to people something that is hard to admit to myself...that I am still addicted to my first love. In a sense I have been in rehab the past two years and have been cut off from my supply. Without it there I am just fine - I rarely even think about it. But in about a month, I will see my addiction. I will hear his laugh and see him throw his head back in laughter, I will see him talk to people and joke around to try and cover up his awkwardness, I will watch all his actions and remember 4 years ago like it was yesterday, and I will see him look at the girl on his arm with pride and joy - because she is the one he loves. I will walk tall, carry on conversation, laugh, dance, and act like none of this bothers me. It's what I've always done best.
Will he look at me and wonder for a second if he made the right choice?
Will he regret walking away?
I used to think that my life was better without him there and it was good things ended - there were definitely negative things about our relationship. But as this meeting creeps closer I find myself thinking about love. It's been this long and I have yet to meet anyone that gets me like he did. I have yet to feel that same chemistry and connection to someone. I find myself thinking about those negative things - is it worth it to lose the love just because of the negative things?
I'm not sure how to feel about our meeting in a few weeks, but I know that I'll walk away heart broken again. I'll want to pull him aside and share what's been on my heart, to tell him about all the questions I have. Were we wrong? But I know I'll have to walk away silently b/c even though he used to be the person I told everything - he's now the person I can't tell anything.
Don't be too harsh on me everyone, this is the most raw I have ever been in a blog entry -try not to think less of me. I already feel like a big wimp.
Will he look at me and wonder for a second if he made the right choice?
Will he regret walking away?
I used to think that my life was better without him there and it was good things ended - there were definitely negative things about our relationship. But as this meeting creeps closer I find myself thinking about love. It's been this long and I have yet to meet anyone that gets me like he did. I have yet to feel that same chemistry and connection to someone. I find myself thinking about those negative things - is it worth it to lose the love just because of the negative things?
I'm not sure how to feel about our meeting in a few weeks, but I know that I'll walk away heart broken again. I'll want to pull him aside and share what's been on my heart, to tell him about all the questions I have. Were we wrong? But I know I'll have to walk away silently b/c even though he used to be the person I told everything - he's now the person I can't tell anything.
Don't be too harsh on me everyone, this is the most raw I have ever been in a blog entry -try not to think less of me. I already feel like a big wimp.
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